When I first thought up this blog I was going to steer it toward a discussion on how to be a good Single Dad unfortunately that's not really what it’s become. It's more of a Memoir of a Single Dad. So, hopefully I won't bore you with my musings on parenting and you will be able to pick out some nuggets of truth from my experiences.
A great many of the single Dad's I know and in fact some of the divorced Dad's who've remarried struggle with the idea of being an authority figure for their kids. I only have a son so I can only imagine how it would be with a daughter but for me it is much easier to be a buddy then it is to be a Killjoy. I know in my case I felt guilty that he wasn't going to have the childhood like mine so I would often lean towards doing the fun stuff rather stuff that needed to get done and I didn't push him to do much around the house, which ticked off his mom and will probably tick off his future wife. Sorry!
Fortunately, in my case, something I did worked well and I've got a great kid. Of course his Mom ended up being the Killjoy, which I'm sure had a lot to do with it.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
The Struggle to be Dad First then Bud!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
My Little Boy is all Growed Up!
It seems like just yesterday I was watching my son standing in my shoes like they were boats, looking out the window pointing to the people as they walked by and saying "truck"(I can't remember how old he actually was but he had just learned to talk). Now today, roughly 16 years later, he has just been hired for his first job (he plays football so this was his first opportunity to look for a job). I was very proud and happy when I heard the news but the happiness quickly turned to melancholy (for dramatic effect). It hit me like a ton of bricks; he really doesn't need me for much these days. He has his own car, (a 1969 Camaro he got from his step-dad) he will soon be spending his own money (yeah!), he’s fortunately not serious with any of his girl friends and now he has his first job. It appears I’m not too far away from the empty nest, which sucks by the way.
Wow, has time just flown by?! Questions started popping into my head. Did I teach him enough about life? I’m sure I overlooked something, what was it? Why is my toenail black and blue? I came to the realization that I did what I knew how to do at the time. I passed on the lessons I had learned from my dad and made some adjustments and he’s turned out to be a happy, responsible, well-adjusted and employed kid. I shouldn’t stress about it. I’ve still got a couple of more years before he goes away to college so I should just soak it all in.
Monday, January 29, 2007
A Single Dad on MySpace!
I just added a post to my MySpace blog. Check it out if you get a chance.
I'll give you a little snapshot on my life as a Single Dad. My wife and I split up when Jameson was 2. We tried a couple of times to make it work and eventually divorced when he was 4. Like most divorces it wasn't pleasant but to our credit we both decided to put our differences aside and put his needs in front of ours. That made for some interesting choices.
We had joint custody and agreed that if at all possible we would live within 15 miles of each other. We also decided that we would trade off having him each week rather then the traditional weekends and holidays. This was one of the best decisions we ever made, because it forced both of us to be parents. I didn't want to be just the cool weekend dad. I needed to be part of his life during the week when schoolwork and daily living needed to get done, etc. That didn't mean I stopped being a guy (to this day he still eats much healthier at his mom's). It also provided him with some stability.
The key to making this work has always been that we put his needs in front of our own. That has made all the difference. There is an old saying that "it takes 2 to make a good marriage" I think the same goes for divorce, especially if you have kids. If you are both willing to think of the kids first, they can have a stable and fulfilling childhood and before I forget, much credit goes to Jameson’s mom for the sacrifices she made. She turned down 2 very well paid promotions because she didn’t want to move him away from me. I owe her a debt of gratitude.
In the future I’ll try and sprinkle in some funny stories to lighten the mood. My son and I share a rather unique sense of humor. Hopefully you will think its funny too.
