It occurred to me, just the other day, when my son mentioned for the 10th time in a week. “You know I’m going to be 18 in about a month” -- he actually only mentioned it once but I think I repeated it 9 more times to myself -- I wasn’t going to have a lot more time with him in the house. He is planning on going to college locally but since getting his job and his wheels he’s become very independent. He and his buddies are even talking about sharing an apartment while they are going to college.
You see I’m not his first stop when he needs a good meal or his clothes washed and since he’s making good money I’m not even getting asked for cash anymore. In fact he even offered to pay for dinner the other night, so it appears I am much less needed these days and soon I may not see him very much at all. This isn’t sitting well with me.
Most guys, I would think, look forward to the day the kids leave the house because it takes a little pressure off of them and they can start to enjoy themselves a little more. Moms of course don’t traditionally handle the empty nest very well and I’m expecting his Mom to have some difficulty with it. What surprises me is how I’m reacting. He has been such a huge part of my life and since I am not currently married or seriously dating I’m thinking I may actually get a little lonely.
I’m not going to stress out about it right now. I still have some time before he moves out but I think I may need to start planning my future a little. I’ve avoided serious dating relationships over the years because I didn’t want to complicate things with him – that is a topic for another post – maybe now is the time I should start looking for someone to spend my twilight years with – I think that scares me more then the empty nest. Yes, I have issues!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
The Single Parent and the Empty Nest!
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18 comments:
I can relate to this. Our daughter is the first one to leave the house very soon and Im allready feeling this pain deep down in my gut. Being together with my husband makes it a little easier I guess. I would hate to spend the rest of my life on my own.
I too can relate. It's very difficult. All 3 of mine left about the same time and I break out in tears all the time just over the dumbest things .. lol I guess its just part of being a parent. Hang in there my friend! Our job was to prepare them for life and it sounds like you DONE GOOD DAD!!! :-)
Randy
I was a single dad from the time my son was just under two till he moved out and on his own. He joined the navy and traveled the world, a job I gave up when I became his sole parent.
I would not trade my life with him as a single father for anything. We had and still have a very unique relationship. Being the sole responsible one in the house called for me to really step up to the plate, I was 19~20 at the time. I tell everyone he did a good job of raising me, he had to.
He is 32 now with two sons of his own. He and his wife are being great parents and he always tells me what a good job I did, even though I know I messed up a lot. He says it made him who he is.
I love my son and am proud to be his father.
Thanks for a spot to share a bit about our lives.
Mark AKA Marka111
www.just100dollarbills.com
I, too, am a single parent facing the empty nest. It's very lonely. I passed on serious relationships when my daughter was in the house because I felt it was inappropriate. Now I believe I will be alone for the rest of my life.
I wish I had more time to post on this blog, there are so many more stories and lessons.
Anonymous, I'm sure you will find someone to share your life. I just try to stay active and meet new people.
OMG! im 31 my son is 2 yrs old and I can see myself in that situation. I know I have a long way to go but I am not looking forward to my son leaving the nest!! I want my lil boy with me forever!!! I live him so much. I cook for him I take him places, I hug him and kiss him. I wont let him leave me!!! (yes I have 16 more yrs to go!! but I know time will fly!)
Hello everyone- I can totally relate to all the comments. I'm 50 and a single dad. My daughter's mom left me when our daughter was only 3. I've raised my daughter all by myself and she's 19 now and in college. She went away to a college 6 hours from home last Fall and I collapsed into a deep depression when she left my home. I missed her. We ate our meals together, went to movies, had talks, have Christmas and Thanksgiving and Summer memories..all came flooding into my consciousness when she left. After the 1st semester she hated being so far from home and came back to me, and decided to attend a local community school. She stays with her mom and stepdad M-F and sees me Friday night through Monday mornings. She also has a part time job and works 20-30 hrs per week- so even tho I see her she does not have much time to spend with me. I love her with all my heart and miss spending time with her. I was the parent who was always there for her..her mom had an affair with her boss and left me..so I was the Real parent who did the "parenting" and took care of my daughter- even if she doesn't know all this now that she's grown up. She tells me now when she sees me "Dad- it's time for you to start dating and gettin your own life- I love you but can't be your companion forever...I want to meet a guy sometime and go places in my free time...you need to move on.." It broke my heart when she said that to me and I cried my eyes out. I did meet someone 5 years ago but it just did not work out- the woman I met did not like kids so that was that!! Online dating doesn't work for me. I've paid for the 1st 2 years of college for my daughter and this drained almost all the resources I have. I did not want my daughter "broke" when she gets out of college in 2 years. So now I cannot even afford to date- and with the economy being so bad I can just pay bills and put food on the table. I guess as single parents we all make sacrifices for our kids at our own expense. I get terribly lonesome and really miss having someone to Love and love me back. Hopefully someday soon I can meet a special woman who can give that to me, and me to her. - Lonesome Dad
I'm going to be facing this myself soon as a single mom. Hard as it is--I have told my son that I'm looking forward to it: new-found freedom and time on my hands, etc. It's a lie, of course. I feel like collapsing in a heap, but I will not have him feeling guilty and sad that I am alone.
Jo, I feel ya. I'm a single father also. I've been raising my daughter by myself since her mother and I divorced when she was eight and now she just turned eighteen on me and a week later went away to college. It was a bit overwhelming for the both of us. We went through everything together. She calls me her hero, but I believe she has always been my little angel keeping me grounded and with purpose. We would have once a week chik filet outings. I cooked at least 4 - 6 days out the week and we would always sit and eat dinner and talk together. That close bond and unconditional love is priceless and I've been blessed by it. Which makes it that much more like a landslide when she's gone. She use to go visit her mom in the summers but I knew she was coming home to start our routine again. This time when she returned, she turned eighteen in first week of august and I drove her 11hrs to school the following week, and that's all she wrote. A few years ago after breaking up with a lady friend I had been dating for some time, I decided to not seriously date anymore and give all attention to my daughter. I know the last breakup affected her too, since she became close to that person. Well I feel almost like my purpose is fading and though I feel I've done a good job in getting her to this point, I'm feeling kinda down. Now I look at myself at 46yrs old and see with all the wisdom and spirit to do things I couldn't before, afford somethings I couldn't before, I realize what's on the inside doesn't match the outside anymore. So where do you fit in. Would look like a fool going to party with the "party folks" where most are not too much older than my daughter now. Don't go to bars because I don't drink anymore which seems like how many folks meet. My neighborhood is filled with 2nd marriages and new sets of children. I feel too old to start over like that. So now what? I have to admit there's something that is unique and rewarding for a father who raises their daughter but once your job is almost done, you definitely have a different perspective on life. Especially when it comes to relationships. Although romantic relationships are different, the friendship, love and trust built between my daughter and I raises the bar quite a bit. Lastly, since most women I meet never had such a relationship with their father, the old adage that "men are from mars and women are from venus" continues...I'm really sad, but I'm glad I found this blog. Sorry for the run-on.
Hi All,
Thank you so much for the comments. I haven't been keeping up with the posts for awhile but do realize the need out there for single parent resources.
Many of your stories are familiar and as someone who has successfully survived the empty nest I want to let you know that there is hope.
In my experience "time heals all wounds" is an appropriate statement. We get through the pain of separation and move on to the next stage of our life. Now I look forward to Grand Children and spending time traveling, etc.
Keep plugging away, it will get better.
Again, thanks for your comments
Anonymous, it will get better, you can be sure. It sounds like you put some things on hold while raising your daughter - I did the same. It was tough and often lonely.
I met someone when I was 47, someone who I hadn't imagined could even exist, and I can't say I've ever been as happy as I am now.
Best of luck to you: I know things will come around.
Your son growing up before your eyes sure is a natural thing to experience for a single parent like you and me. Living as a single parent due to me divorcing my very abusive husband with the help of the Jacksonville family lawyer sure is a pretty peaceful experience, due to me leaving that kind of life.
Now, watching my sons grow up while working hard and the financial help of the child support that was won with the help of the lawyer who did my case on family law (Jacksonville, Florida) keeps us on living normally.
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed. Really a nice post here!
going through a real tough time...a 'lost' feeling my son is away to school and me being single dad have to invent a new life...very tough, so busy never thought about it......lonely and an empty feeling......just hoping time helps...
It is very difficult to maintain any long distance relationship -- especially for two single parents. The success of a long distance relationship is going to depend on how committed you are to the relationship.
Single Dad Dating
single dad here, I cant wait to be in my empty nest!!!!!
When the kids grow up and leave home is either a "Great Day" or a very "Sad Day" Every household is different and as parents some of us deal with the empty nest better than others. Being single would always make the empty nest situation a little more difficult as you really have no one left in the home other than yourself.
I am still a few years away from facing the empty nest situation and l am all ready in fear of it
I've been a single dad for most of my now 18 yr old son. It's been an amazing lovely experience. He's out now working driving and spending time with his girlfriend. Don't be sad dads we did something right. Yes I'm sad and feeling lost at the moment. But itcwill pass. I'm proud of my son. He's doing good.
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