Thursday, February 08, 2007

Discipline and the Single Parent!

When discussing parental discipline the topic can get very heated. A great many parents do not believe in spanking as a form of discipline while others believe if you take away spanking as an option you limit the effectiveness of discipline.

I’m not going to make any judgments about spanking in this post because methods of discipline are a parental decision. First off, reasonable people can differentiate spanking from beating a child and “Timeouts” are very effective for some children. My brother and I came from a household that used spanking as discipline. I don’t actually remember seeing my brother ever spanked but I got it a couple of times (and rightfully so). As young parents though we used different methods to discipline our children. I had to spank my son 2 times by the time he was 4 years old. The reason I remember it was because it hurt me to do it. From the time he was four I never had to spank him again. You see “Timeouts” wouldn’t work with my son, he enjoyed sitting in his room alone. My brother on the other hand used “Timeouts” because his children responded very well to that form of discipline. Now, many years later, his two kids and my son are all very well adjusted, respectful young adults. Parents need to treat their kids as individuals and discipline them when necessary with whatever method works best.

I’m no expert on this subject, but in my case because I clearly explained the rules and boundaries to my son and followed through with discipline that I explained would happen he quickly understood breaking the rules was counter-productive. Certainly, as kids get older the methods of discipline change. As they grow older it often is more effective to take away something that is of value to them, setting boundaries with clearly explained consequences is effective. What doesn’t work though is setting up rules that you won’t make stick. If kids don’t feel there will be any consequences to their actions no amount of yelling and threatening will work.

However you decide to discipline your child do it because you love them and want them understand proper behavior and that there are consequences to their actions.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Randy.
I have been dating a single dad of 2 for the last few months. I have never had kids but it does not take an expert to see that his children are in control. They are 4 and 5 and have no rules, no reprecussions, no boundaries, no bedtime, no structure and no respect. His daughter wets and poops herself to get attention and throws screaming fits if she does not get her way. His son sits in his room all day and plays video games. They live on hotdogs and refuse to eat all other foods.
I consider myself patient and kind. I love this man. I know the children are a package. He has asked my advice, I have given it but I don't see anything changing. It is utter chaos and mayhem. I honestly don't think I can deal with it the way that it is. But who am I to tell him how to raise his kids? I am really stuck on what to do. They are his kids. It's like none of it even phases him.
Any advice on how to handle this before I lose my mind and/or my heart?

Anonymous said...

"However you decide to discipline your child do it because you love them and want them understand proper behavior and that there are consequences to their actions."

So in other words, if I decide as a parent to use a low level electrical prod on my children as punishment which provides a jolt of pain but no lasting damage because I love them and want them to understand proper behavior then it's okay with you because its a parental choice.

When you allow for physical or psychological violence against children at any level and use the word "discipline" to hide behind, you are part of the abuse problem, not its solution.